That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
