i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
