My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize