just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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