No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
