I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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