my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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