Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
