in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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