Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
