Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
