His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You made out with two different species that night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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