about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
