So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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