WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
