we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
