Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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