She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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