So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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