dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
