capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
