Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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