You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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