She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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