It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
