You made me cry and you don't even care
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?