He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
