Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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