6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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