I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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