So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
