so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
