Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
