Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
