It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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