This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
