I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
