Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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