Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize