You really coming over, don't trick.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
