dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just gargled with NyQuil
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
