You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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