My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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