she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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