I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
