i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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