Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
