Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
