So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
