I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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