mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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