You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
