I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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