you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
