Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
