I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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