Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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