operation harelip BJ is a go
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
