I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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