someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
