i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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