We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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