I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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