Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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