Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
