we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Randomize
