i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
