Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
