I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
