how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
