What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize