I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
