Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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