and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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