Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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