it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She even gives head with a lisp.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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