I have demons in me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
