Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
