do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
