Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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